Frequently Asked Questions

How Are You Mom (HAYM) is a platform that works with schools and organizations to run monthly peer-to-peer discussion groups for people with aging parents. We provide judgment-free sessions in which members can share experiences, get support, and connect with others who are also experiencing the challenges of aging parents.

If you know of an institution (school, business, club, etc.) that might benefit from HAYM groups, please contact us, and we will respond within a business day. We never share your name with your organization unless you ask us to.

Stephen Kong started How Are You Mom after his own experience of caring for his mom, and after discovering that even close friends were mostly alone in caring for their parents. What began as a personal journey through the challenges of caregiving became a mission to help others feel less alone. More here.

HAYM peer-to-peer groups are small groups of people who share a common school or organizational affiliation as well as the common topic of aging parents.

All members' voices are equal in the groups, and groups are member-led. At the inception of each group, HAYM facilitators teach members how to run their own meetings, and groups develop their own styles while still following the HAYM meeting protocol.

Members are matched with approximately 5 other people who meet on the same day each month (for example, “the 4th Wednesday of the month at 5pm”). Sessions are 1 hour via Zoom. Each session follows a lightly structured HAYM meeting format in which all members can discuss issues and share experiences. Members arrive at least 5 minutes before the start of the session to socialize with other members and to ensure a punctual start.

Members discuss issues or simply listen; there is no pressure to speak. Sessions are confidential and judgment-free. While the subject of aging parents can be a downer, most sessions are rather lively, and laughter is common in many sessions!

Between sessions, members can connect with their group on a WhatsApp chat organized just for their group.

Watch a real session.

Groups are for anyone whose parents are increasingly on their minds, including people who are:

• Currently managing care, whether that care is emotional or logistical (i.e., financial, home, etc.)
• Starting, or even anticipating starting, to navigate the caregiving journey

Life happens, and everyone understands! That said, as members are the support, fewer members means fewer perspectives and less support. We encourage members to try not to miss more than 2 sessions in 12 months. Members who miss more may be asked to find a time slot that fits their schedule more consistently.

Of course! Email us, and we will move you to a group that has an open spot. We do ask members to try to stay with their initial group for the first 3 sessions (3 months), as it takes time for groups to gel. But if a member wants to move for any reason, we will try to accommodate that request as quickly as possible.

Most meetings are scheduled in the afternoon or at 5pm, the end of the business day and before personal evening time.

If these times don't work for your schedule, email us your preferred time, and we will contact you as soon as we have a group for that time.

No. How Are You Mom is not therapy, and your facilitator is not a licensed therapist. While our sessions can be incredibly helpful for emotional well-being, they are not a substitute for professional mental health treatment.

If you are experiencing depression or anxiety, or are in crisis, we encourage you to also seek professional help. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 anytime to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Send them our way. Anyone can tell us about their community. We will then contact them, and we never share your name with them unless you ask us to.

We match classmates as much as possible into the same groups. But as classes seldomly divide evenly per group, groups may have members from other classes.

No. Sessions are confidential to the members of the group.

Yes! We can accommodate almost any topic a group of 6 may want to discuss. Please email us and tell us what topic is most on your mind right now.